The End of Something Beautiful

The past week has been kind of a blur.
I don't know what I'm doing,
where I should be going,
or how to interact with people.

This past week, Adam and I ended our 7 year relationship.

It came as kind of a shock to me, him saying that he didn't want to be in a

relationship with me any longer.

No, this wasn't necessarily a mutual decision.

Now we are in the process of figuring out how to get things adjusted.
We have lived together for over 6 years,
have all of our finances combined,
and most of our possessions are considered "joint" as well.

This might take a while.

This is just still such a shock to me.
I never expected us to end like this. A love story that didn't end happily ever after. 

I wish we could have tried harder,
 to fix whatever he apparently thought was

wrong with us.

But, I don't want to force a man to be with me if he doesn't want that.

He doesn't deserve it,
and neither do I.

I know my own worth.

We have separated and are just communicating logistics at this point.

I'm now trying to find a full time job, and an apartment.

For the first time in my adult life, I will be single, completely on my own. 

I know that sometimes love just dies, and that is something that you can't fix.

But it still doesn't change the fact that I feel like I did something wrong,

if only 

I would have changed something,

did something,

become someone better.

I'm heartbroken, and I am completely terrified of my future at this point.

The worst part is: 

I know that things will work out.

But, I also know that things will get worse before they get better. 

Things will cause me so much pain, and I'm scared of dealing with that pain without him.