Maintenance Mode

I guess I've been moving along the best I can. 

I have three interviews in the next two weeks,
I've looked at a wonderful apartment that I 

will hear about tomorrow. 

And I have been telling everyone what has happened. 

I didn't really do that before,
because I think I was under the blanket of hope that things 

might change.

Things seem so surreal and yet
all too painful and realistic 

at the same time. 

 

I saw two of our friends today.

It was fantastic to hear him say exactly what I have been feeling the past week.

"He's making the biggest mistake of his life.

I bet he just panicked and was over thinking things until he made a rash decision and

when the pains of loneliness hits him, he'll realize what he had and gave away."

This was so nice to hear. 

That what I'm feeling isn't ridiculous. 

That Adam is making such a huge mistake,
and that he isn't right about this.

I needed to hear that.

I'm starting to realize how much things hadn't been working.
You need two people for any relationship to work,
and I lost that other half a while ago.
I'm incredibly loyal, and I think I was telling myself over and over,

"This is a rough patch"

"Things will get better"
"Don't give up in case things change"

Even if you give 100%
if you don't have another person pulling their weight,
you still end up with only 50%.

Maybe that's why I wasn't as devasted as I thought I would be.
I was mentally prepared far more than I realized.
That Adam had checked out a long time ago.
This wasn't something that I overlooked.
And while I'm disappointed at how we ended,
I know that I gave it my all.
And that is something I won't regret.